November 13 1854

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 Sender: Martha Haun
Sender Location: Georgetown, KY
Recipient: James Haun
Recipient Location: Nelson Creek, CA

 

Nov 13th 1854

My own Sweet husband–

I feel like
talking to you this evening & this is all the
paper I happen to have but I will only take
the move of it. I am sitting all a lone by my
comfortable little fire lizzie is at school
we are all well & I am doing the very best I
can & the best is poor enough in my estimation
though I have no wright to complain–
I wrote to John last week & told him what
I thought & have I felt about you staying
longer than next spring. I do feel that two years
is as long as I can well bear to be from you
though if you think differently I will do my
best to bear it longer- but remember
with out you there is not much enjoyment for
me in fact there is none it is only a seeming
existance without you- I know you have not
the most distant idea how lonely I feel. I feel
that I stand a lone in the world to contend
with it single handed & I will go with you
any where on earth if you will come for me

it not worth my while to make a sacrifice
of my life for money- I think it sinful &
I hardly know which I would prefer to live two
years more with out you or die now & be at rest
I do believe I would prefer death to being
without you longer. I used to think I could
do as well with out you as I could
with out my child but I was mista
ken though I love my child with
all a monthers love yet it is so dif
ferent from the love to a dear husband
he will if he lives form other ties
& will be all to that other- or you
are now to me you are my com
pany my comfort my all I have
lived with you so long that I cannot
live with out you I had rather die
oh remember I left my fathers house
I left all for to be with you, to be happy
my self & to make you happy & I canot
it useless for me to conceal it longer
be happy with out you- then come
home int he spring & let us resolve to
spend the remainder of our days in
content though we should be
poor & strugle no longer a gainst
gods decree- for I some times think
that god has so decreed that all should
not be rich in this worlds goods–
I for my part have learned a lesson
& you may rest assured should you ever
see me a gain you will see me
content to be with you where ever
you may think fit to take me for
I am resolved never a gain on this
earth to make such a sacrifice for
money or ever murmer a gain
while I have you with me & have
the nessary of life- I am ready &
willing to go any where or do any
thing you may wish just so you
will let me be with you we have
been happy to gether & I for one
will be happier than I ever was
& am determined to be so the remainder
of my life as long as you are spared
to me come what will. we have
stemed the current of life to gather

far then why should we
deprive our selves of the comfort
of each others society when we
death will so soon separate us
any how let us return to
live to gather until god calls
one of us a way I make no
more such sacrifices for thir
is no comfort in it any way
but let us go to gather cheerful
& light hearted east West North
or South where in you
may think proper we can
if we resolve to do so make
our home a paradise any where
we prefer to have that home
oh will I ever have the pleasure
of seeing that eye sparkle & hear
those dear lips say wife a gain
you know you used to always
call me wife for every thing
I imagine almost some times
that I can hear you say
wife oh it will make my bust
leap with joy to hear that sweet
word from your life once more
Wife– Oh come & close me
in your arms once more & let
the first word be Wife–
my darling this will be a short
letter please answer it as soon
as you get it for I shall be all
anxiety to hear my doom–
the Osbams have come yet the
old woman got a letter last week saying
the would not come until spring they have
been saying for two years that they were
coming every spring & every fall- it is
two bad on the poor old woman if they
are not making any thing why not come
home for her sake if they have made they
ought to come. she has been & is at
this time verry sick if they do not come
soon I do not think they will see her for
she looks to me like  she has grieved her
self to death & no wonder for I
know if you and John war to treat
me as they do her it would kill
me- it will be five years next spring
since they left- but I know you never
will- I want you to exercise
your own Judgement & do what ever
you think is most expedient- but
write to me & let me know what that
is you have enver said a word in
any of your letters a bout coming home
I have thought it was your intention
to come next spring I only guess at it
my feelings will some times get the uper
hand of reason though I constantly try
to let reason rule me in stead of feeling
but I rely on you to do for the best &
not on my own weak Judgement & feelings
I got a letter yesterday from Dan he says
he is getting well & has built him a room
at Dave Loyals to steaddy law in & says
he would not be surprized if he should come
julets the study of the law right there
Cutsy Cranbraugh told me the other day
that she heard some how through the
Graneses at Lexington that W G Haun
was intirely broke a gain– I know
no more than that whether it is so or
not but one thing I do know if he is
broke he will try very hard to get in
or get you n to help him out for the
sake of our own child & your self
say nothing a bout me keep a loof
from all of them what in gods name
has any one of them or all of them
to gather ever done for you nothing but
press you as much as they can–
I drop this hint to you in case you
should be appealed to for assistance
I must now bring my letter to a
close I hate to say good by
but I must a gain I wonder how
much often I will have to say it
to you. I hope not often when ever
I dream of you. I feel miserable for
two or three days it makes me so
anxious to see you I feel like every
day is a week lizzie wrote you
a little letter not long since tell John
he must bring me some pretty corral
when he comes & other curiositys from
the sea that he can get with out much
trouble farewell I remain your devoted &

[sideways] loyal wife unitl death Martha Haun

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