November 29 1853

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 Sender: Martha Haun
Sender Location: Georgetown, KY
Recipient: James Haun
Recipient Location: Nelson Creek, CA

 

 

Nov the 29th 1853

My own Sweet husband–

I have just sent
a letter to the office yesterday morning for John although
I have no new to write you– yet I feel like talking
to you & feel like encouraging of you to persever
you know what & how I feel a bout you as well as
I can tell you for you well know my strong & ardent
attachment for you & at the same time you know
my pride & ambition– some time my affection
& desire to be with you almost over comes my better
Judgement– you need not fear any thing on my account
I am getting a long well & with credit to my self-
though I miss you none on this earth knows but my self
how much– yet let me say to you never become discour
aged but perservere & pope on & I know you will succeed
what is two or years if in that time you can come home
with meanes to situate your self as you would wish
there was a man this morning in passing my door asked
me when I had heard from you– he told me to say
to you that a friend of yours had told me to write
to you & tell you not to think of coming back until you
got plenty he says you do not think he is your friend
& told me not to say who it was but he says god
knows he would like to see you come back with
plenty— he has never spoke to me nor any of
the member of the church since he left it until this moning
he asked a bout you & we then got into a chat he says he
has noticed me & seen now melancholly I looked at times
& felt like telling me to be cheerful & to write to you
to stay yes he says he had better stay three years there
to have all the troubles & hardships & then come back with
out making any thing– the man was Jeffy Shepard
I am a woman– but you must be a man now in
this seperation a womans feelings will sometimes over
come her Judgement but you must not be so let your
Judgement prevail— oh how I would dislike for
you to come back as poor as you left- & on the other
hand how proud I would be for you to come with
plenty– So ive it a fair trial & donot become dis
couraged two soon oh it would be the happiest & the
proudest day of my life to see you & John get back
with money enough to place you where you deserve
to be then do not my love be discouraged nor give
way to gloomy forbodings I know your energy I know
your industry than keep in good spirits hope on hope
ever & know that I suffer as much you more in
mind than you do. for you have our darling boy
with you to cheer & comfort you & to feel an interest
for. I have no one no nothing on this earth
with me to love I take an interest in poor little
liz because I look upon her as in a poor situation
for her farther will never do much for her nor
any of his children, he is sick now at Mr Moores
I have not seen him since he has been sick nor do I
know what is the matter with him one thing I do know
he will never do much for any one but the feeling I
have for her liz is not like the love I bear my own dear
child— & yet for all this I am willing to bear our
seperation yet longer for your sake & his that we
may all live the happier when we do get to gather
by knowing plenty to do a little as we please–
then let me encourage you not to give up the ship
as long as there is any hope– you must know
that I have as much to do as I well can do to
attend to manage a helpless & expensive family
of negroes. they are all woman & children but Sam
but I can get a long & now I have got to keeping
house I can do so much better if I had gone to keep
ing house last spring it I could have saved some
thing by it for bet could not feed her self & children
let a lone paying house rent & clothing them selves-
Sam said he never worked so hard in his life as he
did. she worked hard but always was the poorest
manager in the world I can make her make her make
as much as she mad by her self & it takes no more
now to feed all of us than it them with out me
Sam declares it does not take near as much nor
do I believe it does for I manage it now my self
the people that has kit is veryry much pleased iwth her
they say they never had a better negro nor would wish
a better one– I come so near selling her when I
had to take her from pris White that it has scared
her up to do better I told I would positively sell
her if I had any more trouble with her—–
I had to keep her at home a bout three monthes
before I could hire her out– but Pris has had
two negroes since she had kit & now has none they
both ran away. there is no negro will stay there
she is a mean principled woman I expect from what
I hear that kit is in the family way a gain Mr
Moore sees her occasionly at Herriats & he
said the last time he saw her she looked verry
fat like there might be something of that sort the
matter— I wrote to you in my last
that Sam Thompson had moved to town. I have
never got any money out of him yet but he told me
the other day he would pay me in a few days but
I dout it– I have not been able to collect any mo
ney since you left Bat is trying to do something with
Green he thinks he will get something. Dr Hall says he
has paid you & has your receipt I told him to
bring in his receipt but he always says he forgets it
he knows he lies a bout it. intend to sue him if
he does not show it I have seen some of the meanings
of man a bout moneyed matters & god knows if
I had been a man & learnt this in early life they
never would have got much of of me. I showed
Clint West his account & he said it was all right
& said that you & him had some dealings & if I would
give the account to Bat he would settle with him
I did so & bat says he made you even on some of your
old gambling scores– I thought of sewing him &
making him prove it I advised with some a bout it
& they said it would only put me to cost for he would
not pay any of his debts & he was law proff though
every one said I could get Judgement tell me if I
must sue him or not I feel verry much like
I want to expose him had it not been the fear of
giving something for nothing I would have sued him
long ago. I donot know yet but I will
tell me in your next what you think of it
now my darling husband farewell for this time
write to me on the receipt of this & write every
thing I am always anxious to get a letter &
fear almost to open it for fear of bad news
I cry for four or five days always after getting
a letter on account of the hard way you
have to live– but if you can only keep
well you need not care for looks or any thing
of that sort so you do not actually suffer
when I think of my poor child having to
cook his own victuals & wash & mend his own
clothes & your self two oh god how I wish I
could do it for you & how it makes my verry
heart ache– I cannot help it let me try as
I may & I think of every thing to make it as light
as possible I know there is plenty of men that has
had it to do my old father has slept on the naked
ground a many a knight & had to cook & wash for his
self & often little or nothing to cook little did I think
when I used to hear him tell of it that my poor
child would ever have it to do– but if you & him
can live through it & accomplish your desingnes
it will never hurt you & you will not regret it
you will have it to think & talk of in your old
days- now good by sweetest if I could only kiss
them prescious lips that chin forehead & cheeks of I think
if I coud see you I would not be willing to get out of your

[upside down]
arms for a month then for my sake take care
of your health & never forget your devoted wife
M Haun

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